Reflecting on Communication and Connection
Earlier this week we gathered for a warm, intimate meetup at Koepelcafé in Amsterdam as part of LT Big Brother NL community meetups. There was no formal agenda - just an open space for genuine conversation about communication and some of its aspects.
We talked about how we hear each other - not just the words, but what lies beneath. We shared how different communication styles shape our relationships, and how even the best intentions can sometimes go awry. Because communication isn’t one-size-fits-all: each of us brings our own way of expressing, and our own way of listening.
In that small circle, the value of real connection became obvious. Sometimes, the most important thing is not what we say, but how we make space for each other’s voices.
For me, this meetup was a reminder of something I deeply believe: communication is the foundation of connection, but it’s also fragile. There are so many ways to communicate - verbally, non-verbally, directly, indirectly - and with that richness comes risk. Misunderstandings can easily slip in. We each interpret messages through our own lens, and what feels clear to me might feel confusing or even uncomfortable to someone else.
This is not just a gut feeling - research backs it up. For example, Reinout E. de Vries and colleagues (2009) conducted a lexical study and identified six distinct communication styles — like expressiveness, preciseness, and supportiveness — showing that people vary widely in how they communicate. This study underscores how our communication style shapes not just how we send messages, but how others receive them - and how effective understanding (or misunderstanding) can be.
There’s also the risk of cross-cultural or even cross-person misunderstanding. The Anxiety/Uncertainty Management (AUM) theory, originally proposed by William Gudykunst, suggests that when we communicate across different “worlds” - cultural, social, or personal - managing our anxiety and uncertainty is key to better understanding. When we don’t, misinterpretations easily creep in, even when our intentions are good.
Why is this important, you may ask! And indeed it got me thinking.. So here are some thoughts that came up:
Strengthening trust: By acknowledging that we communicate differently, we create a space where everyone feels safe to speak their truth.
Building empathy: Understanding another’s style - and how they might misunderstand or be misunderstood - helps us act with more patience, respect, and curiosity.
Deepening connection: Communication rooted in honest listening builds community not just on surface-level topics, but on shared understanding and mutual care.
Do you have your own ideas or experiences - moments when you felt misunderstood, or when someone really heard you - I’d love to hear them. Let’s keep growing together!